Mexican Headstones- An unlikely place for humour

A PhD Rhyme !!

 Johny Johny
     Yes Papa
PhD Going on
    Yes Papa
Any Motivation
    No Papa
Many Tension
    Yes Papa
Do u Sleep well
    No Papa
International Conference Opportunity
    No papa
Guide Ki Galiyan
    Yes Papa
 
Submission Date
     Ha ha ha ……………………………………………………:)

MONALISA Painting...made of ??

Any guesses ??





Now ???





Anybody's guess now !!!



Artist assistants stand next to 3,604 cups of coffee which have been made into a giant Mona Lisa in Sydney , Australia . The 3,604 cups of coffee were each filled with different amounts of milk to create the different shades!!

WoW !!
Can you think of any other word other than this ??

Sardar jokes

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
                                                                   
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol. 

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry.. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

Management Stories

Management Stories

A Management Story

Story # 1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

 

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

 

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

 

Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more“

Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

 

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"

 

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

 

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"

 

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

 

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV“

 

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV.

The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene : Inside the lion's cave.

In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral :

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson In the context of the working world :

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

VERY INTERESTING STUFF !!!

VERY  INTERESTING  STUFF !!!

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule  of thumb' 

------------------------------------------- 

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'....and thus, the word GOLF entered

into the English language. 

------------------------------------------- 

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone. 

------------------------------------------- 

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury. 

------------------------------------------ 

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. 
------------------------------------------- 

It is impossible to lick your elbow. 

------------------------------------------ 

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: 

Alaska 
------------------------------------------- 

The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 

----------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? 



A. Their birthplace 

------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'? 


A. One thousand 
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.  When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight, sleep tight' 

------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's' 

----------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! 

------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it. 

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? 

------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when... 

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.. 

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen 

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. 

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. 

Go on, forward this to your friends and try to lick your elbow.  You know you want to!

Women make Gr8 Drivers !!

The Top 10 Contestants For The 2007 Women Drivers

Award 10th Place Goes to:

9th Place Goes To:

8th Place Goes To:

7th Place Goes To:

6th Place Goes To:

5th Place Goes To:

4th Place Goes To:

The Bronze Medal Winner:

The Silver Medal Winner:

Her helmet is being worn backwards

..... and finally, put your hands together for our

*** Gold Medal Winner ***

Oru Arabikkathu !!

NAIL IN THE FENCE

NAIL IN THE FENCE    
 

 

Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. (Most importantly the last sentence)

 

There once was a little boy who had a bad

 

temper.

 

His Father gave him a bag of nails

 

and told him that every time he lost his

 

temper, he must hammer a nail into the back

 

of the fence.

The first day the boy had

 

driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next

 

few weeks, as he learned to control his

 

anger, the number of nails hammered daily

 

gradually dwindled down.  He discovered 

   

 

it was easier to hold his temper than to

 

drive those nails into the fence.

 

Finally the ! day came when the boy didn't

 

lose his temper at all. He told his father

 

about it and the father suggested that the

 

boy now pull out one nail for each day that he

was able to hold

his temper.

 

 

The days passed and the young boy was finally

 

able to tell his father that all the nails

were gone. The father took his son by the

 

hand and led him to the fence He said, "You

 

have done well, my son, but look at the

 

holes in the fence. The fence will never be

 

the same. When you say things in anger,

 

they leave a scar just like this one.  You can put

a knife in a man and draw it out.

 

 

It won't matter how many times you say "I'm

 

sorry", the wound is still there.  A verbal

 

wound is as bad as a physical one.

 

Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They

 

make you smile and encourage you to succeed.

 

They lend an ear, they share words of praise

 

and they always want to open their hearts to us."

Oldage

Old age wealth !

Silver on the Hair

  Gold on the Teeth..

  Stones in the Kidneys 

  Sugar in the Blood.

 Lead on the Feet.

  Iron in the Arteries.

  And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas..

 

AND WITH FRIENDS ALSO EQUALLY WEALTHY

  We never thought we'd accumulate such wealth!

LIFE

"Life is a terrible disease, Sexually transmitted"

Things you should know about the AUDITs !!!

with due respect to the Auditor fraternity
"WHAT IS AUDIT"?
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.
Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie
gets out and asks the shepherd, 'If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?'
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, 'Okay.'
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with
algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'
The shepherd cheers, 'That's correct, you can have your sheep.'
The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks, 'If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?'
The young man answers, 'Yes, why not?'
The shepherd says, 'You are an auditor.'
'How did you know?' asks the young man.
'Very simple,' answers the shepherd..'
Firstly, you came here without being wanted.
Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew.
Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business....'
'.....Now can I have my DOG back?'
 

Einstein or Marilyn ?

Look like Albert Einstein. Walk away from your comp screen and look from 15 feets away. It is Marlyn Monroe !!!
An amazing optical illusion !!!

Social impact of Swine flue !!

Poor couple suffering from fear of H1 N1 !!!

Funny SWINE FLU ALERT :)

SWINE FLU ALERT sent out by a Company....
If you wake up looking like this, please don't come to office.

The Sing Conversion

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."
Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There  stood Santa,  holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and  you waz raised a lamb  but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

Happy to Help

Happy to Help- Vodafone Dog !!!

Kutty's Microsoft Interview !

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman forMicrosoft Europe.
5000candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kutty

BillGates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000people left the room.
Kutty says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try!'

BillGates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
2000 people left the room.
Kutty says to himself  'I never managed anybody bymyself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.

BillGates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
500 people left the room.
Kutty says to himself, 'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly,Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.
498 people left the room.
Kutty says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
Calmly,Kutty turns to the other candidate and says 'Naatil Evdyaa?'
The other candidate answers "Thrissuranu.. ....nammalevidea"?

Attn. Ladies Note these simple Rules

The Man's Rules 

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

We always hear ' the rules' From the female side for 'Males'.

Now here are the rules from the male side for the Female.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Sunday + GOOD WEATHER = CRICKET
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides..
Just let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one !

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as MOTORCYCLES OR POLITICS.

1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping !.

Cartoons

Helping Hands ------------ Baby Sitting ! ----------------- Don't Smok !

From Funny - Just for Laughs !!

Election Energy !! ------------------ ---------Poverty ! -------------The fate !

From Funny - Just for Laughs !!

The female ! ------------- Another babysitter

From Funny - Just for Laughs !!