Good Husband !

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,500. Can I buy it?"
MAN: "OK, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked - a little coupe.
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$68,000"
MAN: "For that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! One more little thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $750,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just offer $725,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men are looking at him in astonishment with stark horror on their faces. Then the man grins and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!**

Terrorism

**A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl". The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!" Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: "Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?" The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"
The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog"

MISTAKES !

All make mistakes, but the result varies !!!

If a barber makes a mistake,
    It's a NEW HAIRSTYLE
   
If a driver makes a mistake,
    It is a NEW PATH
   
If an engineer makes a mistake,
    It is a NEW VENTURE

If parents makes a mistake,
    It is a NEW GENERATION

If a politician makes a mistake,
    It is A LAW
   
If a scientist makes a mistake,
    It is a NEW INVENTION
   
If a tailor makes a mistake,
    It is a NEW FASHION
   
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
    It is a NEW THEORY
   
If our boss makes a mistake,
    It isa NEW IDEA !
   
If a common man makes a mistake,
    It is just a big MISTAKE !!

   

മദ്യ കേരളത്തിലെ ജൈവ വൈവിധ്യം

നമ്മുടെ കേരളം ജൈവ വൈവിധ്യങ്ങളുടെ കേദാര ഭൂമി ആണെന്നത് നമ്മള്‍ പണ്ടു
മൂന്നാം ക്ലാസ്സ് മുതല്‍ക്കേ പഠിച്ചു വരുന്നതാണ്.. അതിന് ശക്തി
പകരാനെന്നോണം, ഇന്നു നമ്മള്‍ പഠിക്കാന്‍ പോകുന്നത്, മദ്യ-കേരളത്തില്‍ കാണപ്പെടുന്ന വിവിധ തരം പാമ്പുകളെ കുറിച്ചാണ്.

ചിത്രങ്ങളും, വിവരണങ്ങളും താഴെ കൊടുക്കുന്നു..



ചേനത്തണ്ടന്‍
- വെട്ടിയിട്ട ചെനതണ്ട് പോലെ കിടക്കും, പാറക്കെട്ടുകളുടെ വശങ്ങളില്‍
കാണപ്പെടുന്നു, പച്ച കലര്ന്ന വെള്ള നിറമാണ്‌ ഇവയ്ക്ക്, പത്തി സൂര്യ
പ്രകാശത്തില്‍ തിളങ്ങി കാണപ്പെടും.


കരിമൂര്‍ഖന്‍ - നല്ല കറുത്ത നിരത്തില്‍ കാണപ്പെടുന്ന ഇവ, മണ്ണില്‍ പറ്റി പിടിച്ചാണ് കിടക്കുന്നത്



രാജവെമ്പാല
: രാജകീയപ്രൌടി ഉള്ള ഇത്തരം പാമ്പുകള്‍, അനന്ത ശയനം പോലെ കാണപ്പെടുന്നു..
നല്ല തൂവെള്ള നിറത്തില്‍ , നിരത്തുകളുടെ വശങ്ങളില്‍, അതീവ പ്രതാപതോടെയും,
പ്രൌടിയോടു കൂടിയും നിവസിക്കുന്നു.



അണലി : കാടുകളും പുല്‍മേടുകളും പ്രിയം, ചെന്കുതായ പ്രതലത്തില്‍ കൂടി സന്ച്ചരിക്കപെടുന്നു.

എട്ടടി
മൂര്‍ഖന്‍ : കണ്ടാല്‍ എട്ടു പോലെ കാണപ്പെടുന്നു, ചില സമയങ്ങളില്‍
ക്രൂസിതനെപ്പോലെയും പോലെയും കാണപ്പെടാറുണ്ട്. സൂര്യ പ്രകാശം നേരിട്ടു
മുഖത്ത് അടിക്കണം എണ്ണ നിര്‍ബന്ധ ബുദ്ധി ഉള്ളതിനാല്‍, നട്ടുച്ചയ്ക്കും
മേപ്പോട്ടു നോക്കിയെ കിടക്കാരുള്ളൂ .

രക്ത അണലി : അണലിയുടെ അളിയനായി വരുമെന്കിലും, തീര്ത്തും വെട്യസ്തമായ സ്വഭാവക്കാരാണ്. പുല്മെടുകലാണ് വിഹാര കേന്ദ്രങ്ങള്‍.

അപൂര്‍വങ്ങളില്‍ അപൂര്‍വങ്ങളായ ഈ പാമ്പുകളുടെ ചിത്രങ്ങള്‍ ഫോര്‍വേഡ് ചെയ്ത എന്റെ സുഹൃത്തിനു നന്ദി
അര്‍പ്പിക്കുന്നു, ശ്രദ്ധിക്കുക, പാമ്പുകളും ഈ ഭൂമിയുടെ അവകാശികള്‍
ആകുന്നു , നിങ്ങളെ പോലെ അവയ്ക്കും ജീവിക്കാനുള്ള അവകാശം ഈ ഭൂമിയില്‍
ഉണ്ട്, അതിനാല്‍ അവയെ ഉപദ്രവിക്കുകയോ, ശല്യപ്പെടുത്തുകയോ ചെയ്‌താല്‍,
കേരളാ വന്യജീവി നിയമപ്രകാരം കേസേടുക്കുന്നതാണ് .

What OBAMA stands for?

Ahh! The truth at last!!

Do you know what OBAMA stands for ?
                                                                     
O - Originally                                                           
B - Born in                                                               
A - Africa to                                                             
M – Manage                                                               
A - Americans

Some Womenist Jokes- Just for making women happy !!

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!

WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

A Funny comparison- COMPUTERS & CARS

Gates vs. GM
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics. ..." (and I just love this part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash....... Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4.Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.
Please feel free to share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!

PRICELESS WORDS

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"